Life is a journey; the choices you make now will determine your eternal destination.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Still seeking.

So much has happened since my last post. Christmas, the new year, the Lenten season- and the resignation of the Pope. No comments on that from me, other than I trust in the Holy Spirit to guide the Cardinals of the Conclave to do what is best for the Church in this tumultuous time.
My spiritual journey progresses slowly. I am still way too reactive and opinionated, both character flaws that lead to actions I usually regret.
Those of you who know me or follow my horse blog know that I have young horses, and teaching them the things they need to know to grow up into good and trustworthy equines is also teaching me a lot about myself; sometimes I see myself mirrored in their actions. When I introduce them to something new, their reaction is distrust, suspicion, and flight. When I persist, they stop and study the situation, approach it with a more open mind, and trust that I won't put them in a situation that will harm them.
That is so much like me: when I am confronted by something out of my comfort zone, I take the offensive, and only on reflection do I see ways that I could have handled the situation better. Sigh. This getting older is supposed to also bring us Wisdom, but I sure wish it wasn't always after the fact! Anyway, I am improving slowly, learning to bite my tongue.
I guess God gives me these trials for my self improvement and the salvation of my soul- as it says in the letter of Paul to the Philippians, 2:12-15:
Wherefore, my dearly beloved, (as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but much more now in my absence,) with fear and trembling work out your salvation. 
 For it is God who worketh in you, both to will and to accomplish, according to his good will.  And do ye all things without murmurings and hesitations;
That you may be blameless, and sincere children of God, without reproof, in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation; among whom you shine as lights in the world.

I hope God persists with me, so that I may overcome my self and trust in Him. Like my horses, patience, persistence, and perfect practice are ways to train my brain and become the person He wants me to be.