The reason I haven't been posting lately is because of my ongoing spiritual angst with the pastor of my church. As parish secretary here, I am privy to plenty of complaints and other insights that are privileged knowledge and not to be shared, and my position also prevents me from speaking out. I always encourage people to either talk to the priest, or to write a letter to the Bishop. They aren't inclined to do either, as it's much easier to do nothing; also there is a history in this parish of another priest, from the same country and of the same disposition as this one, who had this parish so riled up that they ousted him. So with this one, people are not standing up to him, and are , instead, staying away from church, and also withholding funds. Our attendance at Mass has dropped dramatically, and we aren't covering our monthly expenses. Something has to give. My dilemna is, do I write the Bishop? I can't talk to this priest. He doesn't listen to me, he brushes off every thing I say or suggest. I'm at the point where I am so upset that I don't go to weekday Masses any more, and barely make it through Sunday Mass. If my husband wasn't in the choir, I probably would go to another church, there is one a half hour away.
I have tried to see my way through this by prayer, and the help of the Communion of Saints. Talking to my husband the other day, he suggested that I call to mind well before Mass, all the good things about Mass, put my mind in a good place so that even physically I won't be tense and tied up in knots like I usually am. I have lost the sense of holiness and the Sacred at Mass, and it is a severe trial to me- I so long for the joy that I get at Mass when there is a holy priest who truly loves God and radiates that love during the Holy Sacrifice. I am sure this is a cross given to me for my salvation, but oh what a struggle it is when it is my nature to just bolt and run to another church!
Please, pray for me and our parish.