Life is a journey; the choices you make now will determine your eternal destination.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Peace of mind

As a follow up to my last post on my journey, I have found a resolution to my turmoil. It was a simple, heartfelt prayer, in front of the tabernacle in a silent, otherwise empty church, in which I asked my beloved Jesus to help me to overcome my issues. I pleaded for peace in my mind and soul.
We all know the Bible verse,
 Ask, and it shall be given you: seek, and you shall find: knock, and it shall be opened to you. [Matthew 7:7] 
 I know this, we all have been taught this, and it does happen. I think the Lord answers our prayers when they well up from the anguish in our souls, and not when we ask as a routine prayer. Before I even left the church that day, I could feel His peace like a gift to my soul. Since then, I have been able to manage my thoughts and keep peace in my heart in this matter. Much to the devil's disgust, I'm sure; he thought he had me.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Spiritual Dilemna

The reason I haven't been posting lately is because of my ongoing spiritual angst with the pastor of my church. As parish secretary here, I am privy to plenty of complaints and other insights that are privileged knowledge and not to be shared, and my position also prevents me from speaking out. I always encourage people to either talk to the priest, or to write a letter to the Bishop. They aren't inclined to do either, as it's much easier to do nothing; also there is a history in this parish of another priest, from the same country and of the same disposition as this one, who had this parish so riled up that they ousted him. So with this one, people are not standing up to him, and are , instead, staying away from church, and also withholding funds. Our attendance at Mass has dropped dramatically, and we aren't covering our monthly expenses. Something has to give. My dilemna is, do I write the Bishop? I can't talk to this priest. He doesn't listen to me, he brushes off every thing I say or suggest. I'm at the point where I am so upset that I don't go to weekday Masses any more, and barely make it through Sunday Mass. If my husband wasn't in the choir, I probably would go to another church, there is one a half hour away.
I have tried to see my way through this by prayer, and the help of the Communion of Saints. Talking to my husband the other day, he suggested that I call to mind well before Mass, all the good things about Mass, put my mind in a good place so that even physically I won't be tense and tied up in knots like I usually am. I have lost the sense of holiness and the Sacred at Mass, and it is a severe trial to me- I so long for the joy that I get at Mass when there is a holy priest who truly loves God and radiates that love during the Holy Sacrifice. I am sure this is a cross given to me for my salvation, but oh what a struggle it is when it is my nature to just bolt and run to another church!
Please, pray for me and our parish.