I mentioned earlier that I am doing the St. Louis De Montfort Consecration to Mary, and am still reading the explanatory chapters of the book. I have also been examining my conscience a lot lately, in preparation for Lent. I know where the stumbling blocks are in my character, but have had a great deal of trouble getting past them. I feel that I am cutting off my access to grace by not being able to change myself. I fall into the same errors, day in and day out, even when I know that I am doing it. Intellectually, I understand how devotion to Our Lady helps us, but never could totally give myself over to it. Today, that door opened for me- and I truly believe that God has His own timetable for us, that we don't get to advance in grace until we are truly ready to absorb it. I am ready for this Consecration at last.
It says in the book, "We make more progress in a brief period of submission to and dependence upon Mary than in whole years of following our own will and of relying on ourselves." I think it was the submission aspect that has held me back for so long; the way I grew up made me fiercely independent, and the idea of depending on someone else is out of my comfort zone. But today, I actually am welcoming, and am looking forward to, completing this Devotion so that I may advance as I seek the Way, the Truth, and the Life- through the hands of Mary.