My Journey Continued

I am nearing the end of book one of the City of God, (The Conception) and chapter 18 really spoke to me. I have been troubled by my reaction to a person I really don't like, that I am in frequent contact with, and reading this chapter has helped me to realize that these trials are from God, and necessary for the salvation of my soul. I knew that already, but Mary's words to Sister Mary of Jesus enlightened it for me. I am a simple person, and often need things to be spelled out for me before I grasp the concept.

" I wish thee, O soul, to understand that to suffer injuries with equanimity and to pardon them entirely for the Lord, will be more acceptable in His eyes, than if thou choose of thy own will to do the most severe penance and shed thy blood for Him. Humble thyself before those who persecute thee, love them and pray for them from thy true heart; thereby shalt thou turn toward thee in love the heart of thy God and rise to the perfection of holiness, and thou shalt overcome hell in all things. 
That great dragon, who persecutes all men, was confounded many times by my humility and meekness, and his fury could not tolerate the sight of these virtues. I gained great victories for my soul and won glorious triumphs for the exaltation of the Divinity. When any creature rose up against me, I conceived no anger toward it, for I knew in reality it was an instrument of the Most High, directed by His Providence for my special good.  This knowledge and the consideration, that it was a creature of my Lord, capable of grace, excited me to love it truly with a greater fervor, and I did not rest until I could reward this benefit of persecution by obtaining for it eternal life, as far as was possible.
Strive after therefore, and labor for the imitation of that; show thyself most meek, peaceful and agreeable toward those who trouble thee; esteem them truly in thy heart, and do not take vengeance of thy Lord by taking vengeance on His instruments, nor despise the inestimable jewel of injuries. As far as lies in thee, always give good for evil, benefits for injuries, love for hate, praise for blame, blessings for malediction. Then wilt thou be a perfect daughter of thy Father, the beloved spouse of thy Lord, my friend and my most cherished daughter.


This helps me to see in a new light the trials and tribulations in my life, and I hope it will help me to deal with the daily grievances I feel towards certain people. I see that my call to pray for souls must also include the souls of those who trouble me the most.

Forgiveness

I found this over at Standing on my Head blog, and he said to share it if we like. This is such a powerful way to accept forgiveness and healing that I had to share.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Finding Forgiveness

This piece was first published over at Integrated Catholic Life. A reader has asked for it to be published here too. If you like it please share.

“I know I have been forgiven because I’ve been to confession, but I don’t feel forgiven!How can I find peace and know that I’m forgiven? ” 

This is one of the most frequent questions I get as a priest. A similar question comes up with the problem of forgiving others, “Father,” the person asks, “my business partner screwed me real bad. I’ve tried to forgive him, and I’ve given it all to God, but I still feel resentment and bitterness. I still want revenge. How can I find peace?”

Assuming that you have already taken the sin to God in the sacrament of reconciliation, the first step to finding the peace of forgiveness is to remember the fact of forgiveness. If you have confessed and received absolution you are forgiven. It’s a fact. The first step is to claim that fact. Make it an act of your will and intellect. You might even say out loud to yourself, “I am forgiven. It’s a fact.” Imagine that resentment, sin, guilt and anger being washed away by a tsunami of God’s mercy.

The next step in finding forgiveness is to take the guilt, the memory, the nagging resentment and bitterness with you to Mass and offer it up.There are various practical ways of doing this. 

First of all you need to ask yourself what Mass is actually for. What’s the purpose of Mass? Many Catholics have never asked that basic question, and if pressed they might say, “It is a chance to worship God together.” or “We come together to sing hymns, praise God and listen to his word and receive the Bread of Life.” or “Mass is the gathering place of the people of God around his Word and his table.”

What’s missing is the idea that Mass is a sacrifice. It is an offering. From the beginning of religious instinct in man the action of worship was the action of sacrifice. Humans offered to God the best gifts they had. However, in the Jewish religion this idea was expanded and the sacrifice also became a sin offering. The effect of sin was death, but the person’s sins were projected on to the animal which was sacrificed, and so the sins were forgiven. The price had been paid.

This primitive idea still lives within the idea of sacrifice of the Mass. The primary meaning of the Mass is that it is an offering of Christ’s once for all sacrifice, and that this offering applies the benefits of Christ’s sacrifice to our lives. Christ’s death was the payment for our sin. Once we see that the Mass is a sacrifice we can participate in the action of the Mass in a new and deeper way.

Therefore, when you come to Mass with a burden of guilt or a nagging desire for revenge or a sense of resentment and anger, you should bring that as part of your offering. See every part of the Mass as part of a greater offering to God.

When you say the confession at the beginning of Mass imagine those resentments, that guilt and that feeling of not being forgiven gathered up into the prayer. When the collection is taken, don’t just put money in the basket--imagine that you are putting your negative feelings in the basket too. When the offertory gifts are brought forward in procession imagine that the person you resent is being brought forward and offered to God. Place all your dark feelings into those gifts being brought forward. Give God your frustration and fear and worry and anxiety. As the priest lifts the bread and wine see him lifting all the unresolved negative emotions to God.

In the action of the Mass the bread is taken, blessed, broken and transformed. So it is with the negative feelings that you offer up. Through the priest God will take them, offer them to God, bless them, break them and then they will be transformed.

To get rid of those negative feelings of not being forgiven see that first of all the priest takes them as you offer them up. Standing in the place of Christ the priest symbolically takes your burdens. As he does, think of Christ Jesus himself saying, “Come to me all who labor and are heavily burdened and I will give you rest.” Through the action of the Mass Christ will take those burdens.

When I say Mass I make a conscious act of the will to bring to the altar all the sins I have heard in the confessional. Of course I don’t remember the individual sins. Instead, in a moment of silent prayer I ask that God will take them and forgive them and remember them no more, and that the penitent will be set free, forgiven and healed.

Then the priest blesses the bread. Imagine that he is blessing the burdens you have. “Bless the burdens?” Yes, the dark times of our life will become blessings as they are transformed by grace. But first, like the bread, they need to be broken. The dark feelings have you in bondage, and as the bread is broken see the bonds being broken. Then the transformation of the bondage into blessing will be completed.

Finally, as you receive the body of Christ imagine that you are receiving in the most powerful way the peace and strength and knowledge of forgiveness from Christ himself.

This “liturgy therapy” might take some time to sink in. If your mind has been circling around and around over particular grievances it is possible that you have got into a destructive mental pattern. This negative downward spiral can only be reversed and countered by repeated positive cycles of receiving God’s forgiveness week by week.

I am convinced that faith works. In other words, our Catholic faith really does bring us to an abundant life--a life that is transformed from the inside out by God’s grace.

Our part is to come to God with an open heart, an open mind and an active will so that as we co operate with his grace we will be transformed into his likeness.

On the Pope and Kneeling

Here is an excerpt from Pope Benedict on the Theology of kneeling, with a link to the full article below.

The Christian Liturgy is a cosmic Liturgy precisely because it bends the knee before the crucified and exalted Lord. Here is the center of authentic culture - the culture of truth. The humble gesture by which we fall at the feet of the Lord inserts us into the true path of life of the cosmos.

There is much more that we might add. For example, there is the touching story told by Eusebius in his history of the Church as a tradition going back to Hegesippus in the second century. Apparently, Saint James, the "brother of the Lord", the first bishop of Jerusalem and "head" of the Jewish Christian Church, had a kind of callous on his knees, because he was always on his knees worshipping God and begging forgiveness for his people (2, 23, 6). Again, there is a story that comes from the sayings of the Desert Fathers, according to which the devil was compelled by God to show himself to a certain Abba Apollo. He looked black and ugly, with frighteningly thin limbs, but most strikingly, he had no knees. The inability to kneel is seen as the very essence of the diabolical.

But I do not want to go into more detail. I should like to make just one more remark. The expression used by Saint Luke to describe the kneeling of Christians (theis ta gonata) is unknown in classical Greek. We are dealing here with a specifically Christian word. With that remark, our reflections turn full circle to where they began. It may well be that kneeling is alien to modern culture -- insofar as it is a culture, for this culture has turned away from the faith and no longer knows the one before whom kneeling is the right, indeed the intrinsically necessary gesture. The man who learns to believe learns also to kneel, and a faith or a liturgy no longer familiar with kneeling would be sick at the core. Where it has been lost, kneeling must be rediscovered, so that, in our prayer, we remain in fellowship with the apostles and martyrs, in fellowship with the whole cosmos, indeed in union with Jesus Christ Himself.

http://www.tldm.org/News8/PopeBenedictXVITheologyOfKneeling.htm

Sweet Jesus

Here is a slightly different version of Pie Jesu, by  the Boys Air Choir.

My Journey Continued- 2012

And so we are into another year. I wish all my readers a blessed year, and pray that we will all grow in grace and in the love and service of God, and that we will open our hearts to His call. As it says in The Imitation of Christ: Keep thy resolution firm and thy intention upright towards God.
I have been down with a cold since Christmas, and while it was fairly easy to post on my other blog, which doesn't require any deep thinking or soul searching, I couldn't get inspired to write on this one. However, the only way to overcome ennui is to apply oneself and just begin.
Some time ago, I asked God what he wanted of me, and the answer came swiftly and clearly: You are to pray for souls. In a way I am relieved the He is not asking me for great mortification and sacrifices- He knows how weak I am and has not given me more than I can bear. So I do my best to fulfill my vocation. Before, I used to concentrate on praying for the souls in Purgatory, and I have added praying for those who are in their death agony, and the souls of those who are to die this day, or this night. With the help of my guardian angel, I awake at 3 AM to pray the chaplet of Divine Mercy for the dying, as well as praying it at 3 PM for my own family members. I believe that grace builds in us in layers; that when we have reached one level and can do something well and persistently, then we are asked for more. God is the perfect taskmaster, He knows us better than we ourselves.
Another way that I have grown in the last year is in my devotion to Mary- another example of not being given a grace until we are able to handle it. A couple of years ago, I had asked to grow in devotion to Mary and Joseph; the devotion to Joseph came quickly and easily, but I really had to work at the devotion to Mary. I guess the devil knows his adversary and did all he could to hinder me! However, making the St. Louis de Montfort consecration last year gave me the tools I needed; also certain books really helped- someone left all 4 volumes of the City of God on the doorstep of our church, which I am reading, and nearly finished volume one. You see, God provides us with what we need as we need it according to His plan for us and not on our timetable.
That leads me to the next point: learning to trust in God. We say this all the time, but in our hearts what we really mean is that we hope that God will do for us what we want; to let go of our own desires and truly give ourselves over to God is not easily done. For me, it's a work in progress. When we pray "Thy will be done" in the Our Father, it rolls glibly off our tongue, and we don't often think of the ramifications of that little phrase.
It is the focus of my spiritual efforts this year. As usual, I gather inspiration from The Imitation of Christ: Book 3 Chapter 17:

O Lord, I shall suffer willingly for Your sake whatever You wish to send me. I am ready to accept from Your hand both good and evil alike, the sweet and the bitter together, sorrow with joy; and for all that happens to me I am grateful. Keep me from all sin and I will fear neither death nor hell. Do not cast me out forever nor blot me out of the Book of Life, and whatever tribulation befalls will not harm me.

Christmas meditation

I found this beautiful Christmas message and meditation on the blog, Courageous Priest thanks to a link on St. Robert Bellarmine's blog, so a mantilla nod to them and a heartfelt thanks for sharing this beautiful piece.

Padre Pio's Christmas Meditation

Appearing in volume four of the Italian-language edition of Padre Pio's letters, this essay was taken from Padre Pio's hand-written notebooks. To the best of my knowledge, it is presented here for the first time in English.

Translated by Frank M. Rega, December 2005.

"Padre Pio da Pietrelcina: Epistolario IV," Edizioni Padre Pio, San Giovanni Rotondo, 2002, pages 1007-1009.

---

Far into the night, at the coldest time of the year, in a chilly grotto, more suitable for a flock of beasts than for humans, the promised Messiah – Jesus – the savior of mankind, comes into the world in the fullness of time.There are none who clamor around him: only an ox and an ass lending their warmth to the newborn infant; with a humble woman, and a poor and tired man, in adoration beside him. Nothing can be heard except the sobs and whimpers of the infant God. And by means of his crying and weeping he offers to the Divine justice the first ransom for our redemption. He had been expected for forty centuries; with longing sighs the ancient Fathers had implored his arrival. The sacred scriptures clearly prophesy the time and the place of his birth, and yet the world is silent and no one seems aware of the great event. Only some shepherds, who had been busy watching over their sheep in the meadows, come to visit him. Heavenly visitors had alerted them to the wondrous event, inviting them to approach his cave. So plentiful, O Christians, are the lessons that shine forth from the grotto of Bethlehem! Oh how our hearts should be on fire with love for the one who with such tenderness was made flesh for our sakes! Oh how we should burn with desire to lead the whole world to this lowly cave, refuge of the King of kings, greater than any worldly palace, because it is the throne and dwelling place of God! Let us ask this Divine child to clothe us with humility, because only by means of this virtue can we taste the fullness of this mystery of Divine tenderness. Glittering were the palaces of the proud Hebrews. Yet, the light of the world did not appear in one of them. Ostentatious with worldly grandeur, swimming in gold and in delights, were the great ones of the Hebrew nation; filled with vain knowledge and pride were the priests of the sanctuary. In opposition to the true meaning of Divine revelation, they awaited an officious savoir, who would come into the world with human renown and power. But God, always ready to confound the wisdom of the world, shatters their plans. Contrary to the expectations of those lacking in Divine wisdom, he appears among us in the greatest abjection, renouncing even birth in St. Joseph’s humble home, denying himself a modest abode among relatives and friends in a city of Palestine. Refused lodging among men, he seeks refuge and comfort among mere animals, choosing their habitation as the place of his birth, allowing their breath to give warmth to his tender body. He permits simple and rustic shepherds to be the first to pay their respects to him, after he himself informed them, by means of his angels, of the wonderful mystery. Oh wisdom and power of God, we are constrained to exclaim – enraptured along with your Apostle – how incomprehensible are your judgments and unsearchable your ways! Poverty, humility, abjection, contempt, all surround the Word made flesh. But we, out of the darkness that envelops the incarnate Word, understand one thing, hear one voice, perceive one sublime truth: you have done everything out of love, you invite us to nothing else but love, speak of nothing except love, give us naught except proofs of love. The heavenly babe suffers and cries in the crib so that for us suffering would be sweet, meritorious and accepted. He deprives himself of everything, in order that we may learn from him the renunciation of worldly goods and comforts. He is satisfied with humble and poor adorers, to encourage us to love poverty, and to prefer the company of the little and simple rather than the great ones of the world. This celestial child, all meekness and sweetness, wishes to impress in our hearts by his example these sublime virtues, so that from a world that is torn and devastated an era of peace and love may spring forth. Even from the moment of his birth he reveals to us our mission, which is to scorn that which the world loves and seeks. Oh let us prostrate ourselves before the manger, and along with the great St. Jerome, who was enflamed with the love of the infant Jesus, let us offer him all our hearts without reserve. Let us promise to follow the precepts which come to us from the grotto of Bethlehem, which teach us that everything here below is vanity of vanities, nothing but vanity.

Joyful

As we wait with joyful hope

How many people don't feel the joy of anticipation of the celebration of the birth of the Christ Child?

Their minds tuned only to earthly pleasures and what gifts they are about to receive, wrapped in sparkling paper and placed under a plastic tree, they fail to think of the greatest gift of all- Divine Love and Mercy, in the person of a tiny babe, a gift from God to His erring people; the promise of eternal life earned through His suffering and death.

The other night, I had a revelation of my very own littleness, with a sense of the infinite Majesty of God, and myself as tinier than a speck of sand. It was a vivid image, and very humbling. At the same time, knowing that His love encompasses even such a speck- and the millions of us who make up the human race- fills me with joy and hope. 

My Journey Continued

Make Room for Jesus

I have been in a spiritual battle lately, and discovered in the wee hours of the morning today that the source is- surprise surprise- pride. One of the many forms of pride is not forgiving others for what you perceive as an affront. I've had an issue with our parish priest which has led me to not wanting to go to daily Mass, although nothing can keep me away from Sunday Mass. This issue stems from my dislike of being told what to do- and our priest comes from a culture where the man is dominant and is accustomed to getting what he wants. That didn't sit well with our whole parish, a lot of feathers were ruffled and it has been an ongoing battle here. Although things leveled out, as they tend to do over time, we are still being told, instead of being shepherded. As someone who works with animals a lot, I understand the value of suggestion and direction instead of dominance and coercion. 

The new changes to the Mass have been a further source of stress, not because of the wording, which I embrace as a more faithful translation of the Latin, and bringing back reverence for the Real Presence, but being asked to stand after Communion has caused a great deal of upset, not just to me but to many in our parish, even to the point where one person has refused to attend Mass. However, there is a movement afoot in Canada that many will continue to kneel, as this is not forbidden by Rome, and in fact is recommended- it's just the Canadian Bishops who think it's a good idea to stand. And of course, our priest is trying to enforce this. 

Anyway, getting back to the wee hours of the morning, which is my best time for spiritual reflection, I was thinking of my sister, Sharron who had been killed by a drunk driver at the age of 16, and it would have been her 61st birthday this month, on Dec. 11, which is Gaudete Sunday, a time of joy and hope. I discovered that I hadn't really forgiven that drunken man who took her life at such an early age, and by the grace of God, at that moment I forgave him, from the bottom of my heart, and prayed for his soul. Perhaps he was the instrument God used to call Sharron home before her soul fell into mortal danger, perhaps she had to go so that I could be saved- who knows? But that act of forgiveness opened my heart to my own weakness and the realization that I can overcome my pride which causes me such angst- but only if I open my heart and soul and empty it of the attachment to that sin. It was a revelation to me, that once empty, there is room for Jesus; but not wanting Him to come into a place so recently stained, I could invite Mary in first, and just as His first dwelling place on Earth was the womb of Mary, so her presence in my soul acts as a barrier to any stain of sin that remains in me; it's as if she has spread her mantle over me in pure gossamer beauty that I can see through.

All this reminds me of the innkeepers who on that night so long ago said "no room!" when St. Joseph came knocking, seeking a place for Mary and the Babe in her womb. How long I have been like that innkeeper! How many times I have turned Him away through my stubborn pride, through sin! 

Here I would like to thank all the people who have ever prayed for me, for this grace is not something I could have done on my own. Thank you, and now, if you will excuse me, I have to get ready for Mass, where I will pray for you.

St. Joseph is knocking.

Another one of my favorite hymns

2011 1st Sunday of Advent

Aled Jones Christmas album, when he was just a boy, is my all time favorite. For this first Sunday of Advent, I give you the grown up Aled and Gabriel's Message.

If you're having a bad day....

This will help. Double click on it and enjoy the full screen version.

I'm still here!

I know I have been neglecting this blog for a while. I've been struggling with a few issues which I haven't resolved yet, mostly to do with Mass and feeling that I don't want to go because of... well that's the unresolved issue. I'm asking Our Blessed Mother to help me sort it out.
I'm happy, though that the Vatican is finally taking a stand on the architecture of churches.
God bless our Pope.

The culture of death strikes again.

This is exactly why I am against organ donation.

All Souls Day

One of my favorite days on the liturgical calendar. We all have loved ones to remember today, and a good thing to remember is the plenary indulgence you can gain for them:

Plenary indulgence
A plenary indulgence, applicable only to the Poor Souls, is granted to those who visit any parish church or public oratory on All Souls Day, and there recite one Our Father and one Credo.

A plenary indulgence, applicable only to the Poor Souls, can be gained when one devoutly visits a cemetery, prays (even mentally only) for the eternal rest of poor souls, and fulfills the regular requirements for an indulgence. A plenary indulgence can be gained for this work each day from November 1 to November 8.

Holy

Let's think for a moment about the meaning of holy. Here's how Websters defines it:

exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness

and also:

having a divine quality 

and divine being defined as :

of, relating to, or proceeding directly from God 

 Which brings me to the subject I've been thinking of for a while now, the Holy Cross. My parish is called Holy Cross. Lately, I've been dealing with a lot of people who are suffering in one way or another; some with disease, some with death of a family member, some with temporal affairs gone awry, and it brings to mind the Bible passage :

And he said to all: If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me." (Luke 9:23)

This is also found in Mark 8:34 and  Matthew 16: 24.
So many people don't get the connection between suffering and holiness. I am sure you have heard someone say, "if God is so good, why does he allow suffering?" as if it is our right to go through life without suffering. We have only to look at the Cross to realize that it is not a right, that the precedent was set for us by our Savior.  If we link our suffering, the Cross that is our particular Cross to bear, with the suffering of Jesus, it becomes a Holy Cross instead of a crushing burden. It becomes the way of salvation for us.
When we see the suffering of innocents, this becomes harder to understand. I can only think of them as victim souls, who pay the price for the great iniquities of the world. The Church teaches that God allows suffering that good may come from it. We may not understand it, and it may not happen in our lifetime. There are as many opinions on this subject as there are churches, and I'm no theologian, so I will leave it to wiser heads than mine to discourse on this subject. But I do think that heaven has many souls who were innocent sufferers on this earth. I also think that the Cross they bore was a Holy one.
When we have a Cross to bear, whether it be illness, poverty, or pain, we can make it a Holy Cross, or we can revile it and curse it- either way, what we do with it is our choice, and it is a choice that can lead to eternal holiness or eternal cursedness. God also gave us free will.

Sunday Silence

Trust and Confidence

It's been a while since I posted, and I do have a lot of things on my mind, but trying to make them cohesive enough to do a post is difficult. It's not really spiritual dryness, more like procrastination.
I've been thinking about the relationship between trust and confidence. We are told to trust in God, to trust in the Sacred Heart of Jesus. We can glibly say, Jesus, I trust in You, but in our heart of hearts, do we really, or is it just lip service? Like the Pharisees, do we stand on the street corner, crying Lord, Lord? It is a great leap of faith to truly trust that which we cannot see. We are blind in our humanity, unable to see things Divine, and yet our soul thirsts for that closeness to God.
To trust, we must have confidence. In God's love for us, and in His mercy. Confidence that He hears our prayers. Confidence in the teachings of the Church, in the wisdom handed down to us. Confidence  and trust come from humbling ourselves, not in relying on our own judgement. Doubt, pride and self love are tools of the devil.
As usual I find that Thomas a Kempis has it so well written in the Imitation of Christ, Book III:

The Fifty-Ninth Chapter

ALL HOPE AND TRUST ARE TO BE FIXED IN GOD ALONE

THE DISCIPLE

WHAT, Lord, is the trust which I have in this life, or what is my greatest comfort among all the things that appear under heaven? Is it not You, O Lord, my God, Whose mercies are without number? Where have I ever fared well but for You? Or how could things go badly when You were present? I had rather be poor for Your sake than rich without You. I prefer rather to wander on the earth with You than to possess heaven without You. Where You are there is heaven, and where You are not are death and hell. You are my desire and therefore I must cry after You and sigh and pray. In none can I fully trust to help me in my necessities, but in You alone, my God. You are my hope. You are my confidence. You are my consoler, most faithful in every need.
All seek their own interests. You, however, place my salvation and my profit first, and turn all things to my good. Even though exposing me to various temptations and hardships, You Who are accustomed to prove Your loved ones in a thousand ways, order all this for my good. You ought not to be loved or praised less in this trial than if You had filled me with heavenly consolations.
In You, therefore, O Lord God, I place all my hope and my refuge. On You I cast all my troubles and anguish, because whatever I have outside of You I find to be weak and unstable. It will not serve me to have many friends, nor will powerful helpers be able to assist me, nor prudent advisers to give useful answers, nor the books of learned men to console, nor any precious substance to win my freedom, nor any place, secret and beautiful though it be, to shelter me, if You Yourself do not assist, comfort, console, instruct, and guard me. For all things which seem to be for our peace and happiness are nothing when You are absent, and truly confer no happiness.
You, indeed, are the fountain of all good, the height of life, the depth of all that can be spoken. To trust in You above all things is the strongest comfort of Your servants.
My God, the Father of mercies, to You I look, in You I trust. Bless and sanctify my soul with heavenly benediction, so that it may become Your holy dwelling and the seat of Your eternal glory. And in this temple of Your dignity let nothing be found that might offend Your majesty. In Your great goodness, and in the multitude of Your mercies, look upon me and listen to the prayer of Your poor servant exiled from You in the region of the shadow of death. Protect and preserve the soul of Your poor servant among the many dangers of this corruptible life, and direct him by Your accompanying grace, through the ways of peace, to the land of everlasting light.

St. Padre Pio, pray for us

Today is the feast day of St. Padre Pio, the saint I have chosen as my patron for this year. There is a very good post on These Stone Walls that I urge you to read. Padre Pio faced many unjust accusations, just as certain other well known priests today are facing.
In light of my last post, this bit of counsel from St. Pio that Fr. McRae had in his post is particularly relevant:
(Emphasis in bold mine)

From the Spiritual Counsels of Padre Pio:

“That which comes from Satan begins with calmness and ends in storm, indifference, and apathy.”

“The field of battle between God and Satan is the human soul. It is in the soul that the battle rages every moment of life. The soul must give free access to the Lord so that it be fortified by Him in every respect and with all kinds of weapons; that His light may enlighten it to combat the darkness of error; that it be clothed with Jesus Christ, with His justice, truth, the shield of faith, the Word of God, in order   to conquer such spiritual enemies. To be clothed with Jesus Christ, it is necessary to die to oneself.”

(Excerpts from the booklet, “Padre Pio Counsels,” National Center of Padre Pio, Norristown, PA)

My Journey Continued

One of the benefits of waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to sleep is the time it gives you to talk to God and the stillness of the night gives you the opportunity to take a good long look at yourself. There is no place to hide from your faults as you examine your soul; no distractions to cling to.
 One of the things that struck me tonight is how, in looking back on my sins, and the thought "how could I have done that" is the emphasis on "I". There is an unbecoming pride in that thought. So often we put ourselves on a pedestal, especially when we compare ourselves to others. Looking back, I see that at the time, I justified all my actions, and did not consider them wrong, but now I see them for what they were; and the thought, "how could I have done that" while it shows spiritual growth, also shows that I am still focused on "I" . I 'm not sure where I first read it, but there is a lovely piece of spiritual advice that says, Lord You must increase in me, and I must diminish.
For that to happen, I acknowledge that even though my ways have changed, I still need to let go of the pride that continues to justify my actions. And the only way to do that is through Grace. I am weak, Lord, and can do nothing without You

.
From The Imitation of Christ, Book III Ch. 55

O most blessed grace, which makes the poor in spirit rich in virtues, which renders him who is rich in many good things humble of heart, come, descend upon me, fill me quickly with your consolation lest my soul faint with weariness and dryness of mind.
Let me find grace in Your sight, I beg, Lord, for Your grace is enough for me, even though I obtain none of the things which nature desires. If I am tempted and afflicted with many tribulations, I will fear no evils while Your grace is with me. This is my strength. This will give me counsel and help. This is more powerful than all my enemies and wiser than all the wise. This is the mistress of truth, the teacher of discipline, the light of the heart, the consoler in anguish, the banisher of sorrow, the expeller of fear, the nourisher of devotion, the producer of tears. What am I without grace, but dead wood, a useless branch, fit only to be cast away?
Let Your grace, therefore, go before me and follow me, O Lord, and make me always intent upon good works, through Jesus Christ, Your Son

Sunday Silence